I have been an avid sports fan my whole life and still root for various players and teams. These days I am rooting for our politicians and government agencies. Maybe praying would be better?
Wow who would have thought that the situation we are facing in the sports world would mirror the situation our government is in? The parallels between our government’s issues and what is happening in the world of sport is striking.
What a mess we have gotten ourselves into, an economy in shambles and the prospect of disaster on the playing field.
The NFL and NBA are effectively closed down, and now our politicians are telling us that our government is in danger of shutting down, and we will be facing catastrophic consequences if this happens. How much worse can it get?
Our politicians are jockeying for position with the public just as the NFL and NBA owners and players are attempting to woo and convince us that they are in the right. Isn’t there some middle ground we can all agree on? Apparently not-principle appears to be taking precedent over what is best for the people.
The Tea Party and The White House won’t give in and players and owners won’t either. I thought that stuff was only for the school yard. Maybe that is where they got it from– probably not. These attitudes and the actions that stem from our politicians and sports figures are deeply rooted in our psyches.
I can understand how winning and losing in sports feels like life and death at times even though it is just entertainment. It is after all a great distraction from the real issues that affect our lives. Participation in sports on any level can bring about strong emotional responses including very competitive ones and the feeling that losing is intolerable and compromise is impossible. Sound familiar? Welcome to Washington the NFL and the NBA!
I see this scenario played out all the time in my office between parents and children who won’t give in to the detriment of both. It is reflective of a very regressive younger phase of emotional development that has not been adequately dealt with, so it gets played out in intransigent struggles in our everyday relationships.
As a child I had vicious arguments about who was the best baseball player in the league or on my block, flipped cards and played all games with a vengeance. No more. Perhaps it is just a passing phase or my stage of life, or maybe it is just my mature sensibilities although somehow I don’t think so.
As I grew up I somehow realized that life went on regardless of my athletic prowess, or who was the best baseball player, or which team won. Sure I was disappointed that I had to wait twenty plus years to see the football Giants win again, and I am still smarting from the Celtics playoff exit at the hands of the Heat, and these are but a few examples of what I have had to put up with! But somehow I survived it all.
We elect our officials and pay for our entertainment so we deserve the problems we are experiencing with them. Beyond all that they are after all just a reflection of us. And they are unable to find solutions to what appear to be very complex problems.
So when our politicians and government agencies perform poorly we all lose as they can make decisions that really affect us directly. Because what they are doing is not child’s play and the stakes are very real and high– maybe that is why when my teams lose it doesn’t’ seem to bother me as much as it used to.
Harvey Dorfman was obviously one of the greatest mental coaches sport has seen. When you have that many players attesting to his help—that says it all.
Conventional wisdom and training suggests that an in your face approach as both Mike Pelfry and Dan Wathren attested worked for them—is not what works with all players. And perhaps Dorfamn did not use this with all of his clients, but it certainly was effective with Pelfrey and Wathren and I bet a few others.
Treatment and helping others takes many forms. I am always searching to help people understand the meaning of their behaviors and try hard not to be judgmental of others.
I have people who come to me who have seen psychics and after they tell me wait for my response. I usually ask them if they found it helpful and often the response is yes. While I do not employ psychics to assist me, if others find it helpful then that is all that counts.
There remains a stigma both in sports and the general population that if you see therapist or psychologist, or mental coach as was the case with Dorfman, you have severe problems. That is far from the case as Pelfrey noted in the article posted below.
I am for what helps people and makes them feel better. If in fact Dorfman’s approach was helpful to his clients then his body of work stands for itself.
http://www.newsday.com/sports/baseball/mets/pelfrey-laments-death-of-psychologist-1.2722598.
Well the deed has been done and the dust has not fully settled. Rarely does a player as good as Carmello Anthony come on the market and when he does you have to get him. He is a genuine superstar or at least one of the top ten players on the league. I guess that makes him a superstar. He certainly will be in New York.
It was interesting that Anthony did not want to test the free agent waters, and that is his choice. He did not want to roll the dice regarding a new collective bargaining agreement or perhaps experience free agency. He took the safest way out–many people do. He got what he wanted and earned it under the system in which he works. They don’t like him in Denver someone has to be the villain. What can you do? Anthony will survive.
The team was near 500 without Anthony, that is a long way from contention. The Knicks have to compete with Miami and Boston and they need to be able to get past those teams to even think about going up against the Lakers or some other Western Conference power.
If you embraced that perspective–you can see why they needed to do something. There will be more changes that is obvious. Mr. Walsh did a great job.
The fan base has been further invigorated as they are discussing and dissecting the deal, that is what fans do. I have had more conversations about this trade than I care to report but thay have been fun. Do I miss Wilson Chandler? Do you?
—I forgot to add to yesterday’s list that sales of Anthony’s jersey will help the economy. Good thing.
—On another note, I like Geoffrey Rush and Christian Bale with a nod to the latter for best supporting actor. Then again I thought Jeremy Renner was outstanding as well. What can I say? Go with Bale.
–Hey I like sports and the Oscars are going Las Vegas style, you can now log on and play to see how you do during the show. I figure they must bet on this stuff?
Ten things that are good about the Carmelo Anthony trade.
1-It gives us something to think and talk about without concrete consequence to us.
2-It provides the opportunity for excitement.
3-The trade will be discussed and dissected across the country but especially in New York which allows for critical thinking skills to be used.
4-We will argue and debate the trade hopefully without incident.
5-It gives the media material to write about. They will be happy.
6-It provides hope for those New York Knick fans who think it a good trade.
7-It provides the opportunity to be critical for those fans that do not think it a good trade.
8-It opens up the possibility of thinking about future moves the Knicks may make.
9-The Empire State Building may light up orange and blue—good colors.
10-It deflects and distracts from real problems people may have.
What could be bad?
Who will be the winner or loser? It seems that we might find out this weekend at, or during the conclusion of the NBA All-Star game. It is going to be Carmelo Anthony for sure and some lucky team after he gets over the stress of the process.
Carmelo Anthony says he is losing sleep over his decison about where he is going to work, and I can understand–it is a major life decision. While all the fans and sports pundicts discuss trade and contract scenarios Anthony is under a great deal of pressure. I am aware that others will say what pressure– as Anthony has million of dollar reasons to be happy and his stock at this point cannot be any higher. Moreover, when he woke up this morning his name was being bandied about on television and radio shows, and he is featured in the newspapers, and on internet sites. Come to think about it it this has been going on for quite sometime so what could be bad? Many wish they could be in his shoes.
However psychological stress is relative and Anthony is under a lot of stress. He has said so himself, loss of sleep is one major indicator of stress and I bet if asked, he would admit to other changes in his life. In Anthony’s case he does have a lot to be thankful for and hopefully it is those things that he will focus on which will allow for an ease of the stress he is under. However, moving, changing jobs, and all the expectations that come with these things are high stressors for all. He has many people to consider including his wife who reportedly will have a big say in where Anthony signs. Beyond signing any contract is complex–as is fraught with ntense public scrutiny.
Judging others is exactly what we do. So we make pronouncements about how other people should feel, act and respond. It is imperious and quite upsetting to those that have to hear it, even those that are as fortunate as Carmelo Anthony. Although he may be superhuman on the basketball court (by all accounts he is not the best player in the game) he is afterall just human.
After Anthony makes his decision it will be interesting to hear what he has to say in looking back at the process and what kind of emotional cost he paid. No amount of dollars can change that.
The Super Bowl has become such an important event in our society that it has taken on the stature of many of our religious and national holidays and has become embedded in our family traditions.
Barring a tragedy of global importance in the next week, the glut of stories emanating from Dallas will dominate the news. Many people have a lot at stake on this football game and the potential for both angst and a fractured emotional well-being is as titanic as the game itself.
Like any event of this magnitude, the Super Bowl allows an individual to partake in the excitement to any degree they wish.
Traditional Super Bowl galas, parties, office pools, trips, and dinners — where some people pay more attention to what they’re eating than the game itself — are just a few of the activities people put together for the event. All, however, are attempts to provide psychological dividends.
For many, the activities provide a sense of continuity, certainty and structure which often leads to emotional stability and greater capacity to enjoy ourselves. Despite the fact that emotional stability is not a necessary precondition for having fun, it has been my experience as a psychologist, that many require it to do so. The more emotionally capable individual is able to do both.
The games leading up to the championship are events that allow the involved football fan to escape their daily lives. Feelings and sometimes actions — which for the most part would not be considered enhancing if expressed in other venues – are sublimated and harmlessly discharged during the regular season.
The Super Bowl allows for a vast and more expansive expression of emotions than those individuals bring to a regular season event. For devoted Packers’ and Stellers’ fans, or even those fans rooting for either team for just one day, it is an opportunity for them to let it all hang out in one emotional orgasmic climax.
Sport by its very nature allows us to be critical, judgmental, and effusive in praise. We are treated to an entire spectrum of emotional responses from just one football game. Fans make judgments about certain plays based upon the specifics of how it happened and under which circumstance it occurred. Each fan has his own set of standards which he applies to each specific event. Need proof? Listen to sports talk radio in any city across the country the day following a loss.
This too happens in everyday life where people sit in judgment of others. It gives them a false sense of control and temporary psychological equality or superiority over those they judge.
At times, a majority of people see various events in the same manner. Nonetheless, they are, for the most part, being subjectively judgmental.
For example, Jets kicker Doug Brien’s missed field goals against the Steelers will not be soon forgotten by New York fans. It has already become part of Jets folklore. Had there been a bad snap or some other miscue, Brien would be viewed a whole lot differently than he is today.
On the other hand, Joe Montana’s last second pass to Dwight Clark is considered one of the Super Bowl’s all time super moments. However, there were many other just as important plays in both games that have long left the recesses of our minds.
Much has been written and discussed about fans who live in cities with perpetually losing teams or where there has been a long drought between championships. Losses are, in essence, the emotional building blocks of lost opportunities. People can easily relate to this because we’ve all experienced missed opportunities in our lives.
When a team loses, there is certainly an emotional investment that has been made by each individual fan, and the fan base as a whole. A certain degree of disappointment is to be expected. However, when that degree of disappointment engenders feelings that interfere with our everyday functioning or thought processes, it is a clear indication that these individuals have brought forth their own personal disappointments and added them to the emotional reaction of losing. That’s what brings out the crushing emotional responses from some fans when their teams lose.
Clearly in the match-up between Green Bay and Pittsburgh , Packers fans, because it’s been a bit longer since their last championship, are more at risk for this kind of reaction.
So, as you attend your Super Bowl party next weekend and you notice that the decorations, culinary spread, celebratory air, and excitement levels seem more akin to a holiday dinner or graduation party, you are probably in the presence of a fan who’s going to take the outcome of the year’s biggest game pretty seriously. If their team wins you’ll swear the “super” fan just won the lottery. And if they lose? Well, let’s just say you’ll probably be wishing you had stayed home.
from ? On The Couch. I wrote this five years ago–perhaps I should have posted it yearly. Still relevant today.
Derek Jeter will most certainly re-sign with the New York Yankees and if I did not know the obvious, every newspaper and media outlet in the world told me so. The public is busy debating the length of his contract, the amount of dollars he is going to get, where and how long he is going to play and so on. They are also intensely reacting to the amount of money he made and how much he is going to make. My late parents said it was not a good idea to count other people’s money, and they were right because it brings out the best and worst in us.
Envy and jealousy are two feelings that are probably biologically wired and if not, they are now part of our permanent make-up. It is fine to be jealous, judgmental, and so on although in Jeter’s case it is not going to do you any good. Derek Jeter works in the good old USA a capitalistic society where people can sell their wares in the free market. And Derek Jeter like the rest of us is free to do so, thus by definition he deserves what he will get because someone else deemed it so–like the New York Yankees?
Jeter plays baseball and was genetically gifted as one scribe lamented as he noted that Jeter did not deserve the contract he wanted or will be getting. I have no idea where he got this idea from probably he is is like everyone else, from his own emotional-subjective self. Because how much is enough with most anything is personally subjective.
I work with people all the time who cannot get enough sex, food, collectables, televised sports and so on. They continue to eat when they are not hungry and gain weight, throw good money on top of bad, and smoke up a storm and kill themselves all of which makes no objective sense. So I guess those that are saying that Jeter already has too much money might check their own personal habits.
The saying money is the root of all evil—was coined for good reason. People have literally killed each other over it so I can understand how emotionally charged people get when it comes into play. It is very much an emotionally subjective– individual issue where each person gets to decide how much they require of it. Money only becomes a problem when it interferes with one’s life—much like anything else we do.
With Jeter I have no idea how much money he needs , wants, or what meaning it might have to him but I can assure you the amount does—not necessarily objectively (although Jeter has not shared his financial obligations with me) but most certainly emotionally-subjectively, and that is what this negotiation with the Yankees is all about for him. And apparently for the rest of us too!
The news that Cam Newton’s father was “shopping him” and that Newton did not know it speaks to a number of pertinent issues that involve college athletics, recruitment for both professional and college teams, as well as father-son relationships.
In a country that often lives and dies by the dollar I continually remain amazed that people get upset, caught off guard, or are surprised when someone attempts to use the system that is in place to their advantage. By now it has been fairly well documented that many high and low profile college athletes were being compensated while they were in college and I suspect even in High School.
People should not discount how difficult it might be not to do what everyone else is doing (like taking incentives or aid) when everyone else is– especially when you might need it. While I don’t condone it, I can certainly understand it. It requires a great deal of restraint and a certain moral code to not do what everyone else is doing and getting away with it.
I am sure there are many reasons why people break the law. I sit with people all day long who not only question both spoken and unspoken societal norms and courtesies, buy also out right condemn public rules of law that if broken could lead to punishment, because they determined them to be unfair. So it is a psychological hop skip and jump to taking monies or favors because one deemed it not that bad to do.
In terms of Cam and his dad, there are all sorts of relationships out there as they run the continuum . We all know fathers that do not talk to their son’s , to controlling dads who micro manage their son’s affairs. It runs the gamut. Cam Newton’s dad was clearly operating as a rogue father when he attempted to represent his son to gain favors from schools and agents.
Nonetheless, a certain subset of individuals will attempt to take unfair advantage of the system. This goes for fathers, agents and players after all, it is just their nature.
When I was interviewed a few years ago and jokingly stated that they would be drafting players in Kindergarten it spoke to what is discussed in this article in the New York Times (See Below).
Children are entering school sooner and being asked to do things that they are not developmentally ready or able to do. I speak with parents all the time who are worried about how early school grades will ruin their children’s chances of getting into a good college. My mother was asked by a parent if she thought her child would get into Yale—she was teaching first grade at the time. So it is not surprising that this early application to the major leagues is being made at two years old!
It has been my experience that parents don’t necessarily live vicariously through their children (although this is sometimes the case), they are actually saying look what I produced! So the pressure on both the parent and the child is immense as so much is at stake regarding parental egos. In the end both do not do well.
Sports Training for Babies and Toddlers http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/01/sports/01babies.html
This has become quite the story! I realize whenever a reporter gets a story they will shape the story the way they want to. So my quotes and the information I gave are shaped and I accept that. Then other sites take those quotes and spin them further. So I decided I will write on the subject myself. It is coming soon.